搞笑的英语阅读短
㈠ 英语搞笑小短文带翻译
笑话是民族文化及社会生活中不可缺少的一环,从古至今都拥有广大的受众,深受人们喜爱。我整理了英语搞笑小短文带翻译，欢迎阅读!
英语搞笑小短文带翻译篇一
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening.
有两名社会工作者在晚上的时候走过市区的简陋地方。
They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane.Upon investigation,
他们听到从后巷传来的求救呻吟声和很小的哭喊声。经调查，
they found a semiconscious man in a pool of blood.
他们发现有一个意识不清的人躺在血泊之中。
"Help me,I've been mugged and viciously beaten ." he pleaded.
他在恳求说：“救救我吧，我被人行凶抢劫，还遭到恶意痛打一顿。”
The two social workers turned and walked away .
这两名社会工作者转身离去。
One remarked to her colleague: " You know the person that did this really needs help."
其中一位向她的同事说：“你知道吧，做这件事的人才是真正需要协助呀。”
英语搞笑小短文带翻译篇二
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER.
有一名男子患有心脏病，被送往医院急诊室。
The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away.
医生告诉他，除非他立刻接受心脏移植，否则他就活不成。
Another doctor runs into the room and says,
另外一名，医生跑进急诊室说：
"you are in luck,two hearts just became avaible ,so you will get to choose which one you want.One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."
“你真幸运，刚好有两个心脏可移植，所以你要选择你要哪一个心脏。一个是属于律师，另一个是属于社会工作者。”
The man quickly responds,"the attorney's ."
这名男子很快响应说：“律师的。”
The doctor says,"Wait!Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
医生说：“等等!你不想在你做决定之前了解一下他们吗?”
The man says,"I already know enough.We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his .So I will take attorney's!"
这名男子说：“我已经知道够了。大家都知道社会工作者都是流血的(有同情心的)心脏，而律师的心脏可能从来都不曾用过他的。所以我选择律师的心脏。"
英语搞笑小短文带翻译篇三
Helen was on her deathbed ,
海伦躺在她临终的病床上奄奄一息。
with her husband Jack at her side.
她的丈夫陪在她的身旁。
He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
他握着她冰冷的手，泪水静静地从他的脸上流下来。
Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"
她苍白的嘴唇颤动着。她说：“杰克，”
Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Don't talk."
他很快就打断说：“嘘，不要说话。”
But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.
但是她坚持要说，她以疲惫的声音说：
"I have to talk.I must confess.”
“杰克，我一定要说。我必须向你坦白。”
"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.
满脸泪水的杰克说：“没什么好坦白的。
"It's all right.Everything's all right."
没关系。一切都没事。”
"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."
“不，不，我必须死得安心。我一定要坦白我对你不忠;红杏出墙。”
Jack stroked her hand .
杰克抚摸着她的手。
"Now ,Helen,don't be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.
他啜泣着说：“海伦 ，现在你不要担心了。我全部都知道了。
"Why else would I poison you ?"
不然我为什么要毒死你呀?"
㈡ 英语幽默小故事5篇
英语 故事 会出现学生认识或是不认识的单词，而这个单词的重复不断出现，会加深同学们对单词的记忆。这种记忆不是死记硬背，而是在潜移默化中，让学生记住。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。
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英语幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
别捡地上的钱
一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。
“为什么不捡?”
“假如那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。”
“该发明的都已经被发明出来了。”
英语幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知识越少挣钱越多
定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。
下面是对该定理的一个严格的数学证明：
假设一：知识就是力量(Power)。
假设二：时间就是金钱。
每个工程师都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知识=力量，时间=金钱，我们有：知识= 。求解金钱表达式，我们得到：金钱= 。
因此，当知识趋于零时，无论你做了多少功，金钱趋于无穷大。
结论：知识越少，你挣得的金钱就越多。
英语幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他们本该在晚上打球
神父、心理学家和经济学家三人结伴打高尔夫。前面的一组打球进度极其缓慢，这让三人大为恼火。他们开始抱怨，前面那组中的一人听到抱怨声后朝他们走了过来。他 自我介绍 说是前面那组球手们的助手，因为那组球手都是盲人。助手感谢他们三位耐心等待。神父听后忙说：“哦，不会吧?我一辈子都在祈祷同胞们过上更美好的生活，而我却在这里抱怨这些盲人!”心理学家也赶紧说：“我一生的信条是帮助别人，可是我却在这里抱怨这些盲人，我真惭愧!”这时只听经济学家说：“哦，别这样!他们本该在晚上打球的。”
英语幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飞行员在中西部上空听到地面指挥塔的指挥员在呼叫一民航调整其正常接收频率。"354航班，”指挥塔在呼叫，“请与堪萨斯市中心135.5频率联系。”这一指令重复了几次之后，竟没得到任何回音。最后，指挥塔的指挥员显然是被激怒了，他大声地锐:"354航班，西蒙说速与135. 5预率联系。”这一声显然奏效，只听对方慌忙地做了回答并迅速服从了指挥。”
英语幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司机都能回答那个问题
一位著名的博弈论专家一获得克拉克奖便开始在东北部各个知名大学展开一系列讲座。为了完成这项任务，他租了一辆车并雇了一名司机载着他到处赶场。没有别的事可做的司机就坐在课堂里听专家那科技含量颇高的讲座。几场讲座下来，司机对这位经济学家说：“我听了这么多次你的讲座，我觉得我自己也能讲了。”经济学家觉得这个想法很有趣，于是决定下次作讲座时他们两个互换位置。
司机完美无瑕地完成了演讲。可是当讲座结束后，听众中有人问了他一个技术含量相当高的问题，他不知如何开口回答。司机沉思了一会，回答道：“这个问题太简单了，连我的司机都能回答。”
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英文的故事虽然阅读起来可能会有难度，但是只要每天坚持不懈的阅读一定的文章，可以很好的增进自身的英文水平,下面这些是我为大家推荐的几篇。
1：The bulging belly fox
A hungry Fox found in a hollow tree a quantity of bread and meat, which some shepherds had placed there against their return. Delighted with his find he slipped in through the narrow aperture and greedily devoured it all. But when he tried to get out again he found himself so swollen after his big meal that he could not squeeze through the hole, and fell to whining and groaning over his misfortune. Another Fox, happening to pass that way, came and asked him what the matter was; and, on learning the state of the case, said, “Well, my friend, I see nothing for it but for you to stay where you are till you shrink to your former size; you’ll get out then easily enough.”
2:A Piggy Bank
Once there were lots of toys in a room. There was a saving box on the dresser, and it was a *** all piggy bank. The piggy bank was full of bronze, gold and silver coins.
The piggy bank knew that he had many coins inside of him. That's why he was always proud of himself in front of his friends. "I have a lot of money. It is enough to buy all of you." The piggy bank always looked down from the top of the dresser and said this proudly. Then, the other toys looked up the piggy bank with envious eyes.
One night, the beautiful moonlight poured into the room through a window. The toys in the room were so happy. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's play together on this beautiful night." A baby doll with a red velvet ribbon said. "Okay. Let's play a game." "After that, let's have a tea party." "Wow, it will be exciting!" All the toys shouted for joy.
Everyone except the piggy bank joined the party. "That party must be boring." He held up his head to the ceiling and pretended that he was not interested in the party. He thought it would make him less valuable to join in such an unimportant party.
"Hey, piggy bank! e on and join us. Let's enjoy the party." "e on." Everyone invited him to the party, but the piggy bank ignored their invitation. Therefore, the other toys enjoyed their party without the piggy bank.
A rocking horse put on a knitting ball tail and danced. A rubber ball rolled over, and a toy car drove round everywhere in the room. Everyone seemed so happy.
The piggy bank looked down at them playing and watched with an askance look. Then, the playing was over and the tea party began. The piggy bank couldn't stand not eating when he saw the food, and he came closer step by step to the edge of the dresser.
He *** elled delicious cookies. He suddenly stuck his head towards the toys gathered.
"Clink!" The piggy bank fell down to the floor. When the piggy bank broke into pieces, the bronze, gold and silver coins inside of him scattered noisily.
The other toys were surprised at the piggy bank's fall while they were enjoying the tea party. Everybody looked at the piggy bank with surprise. "Look at that poor piggy bank. He was always proud of himself." "It's so sad. He could not even enjoy the party." All the other toys felt sorry about the piggy bank.
3:The Wind And The Sun
One day the wind said to the sun, “Look at that man walking along the road. I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can.” “We will see about that,” said the sun. “I will let you try first.” So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak. He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself. “I give up,” said the wind at last. “I cannot get his cloak off.” Then the sun tried. He shone as hard as he could. The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.
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1.英语幽默小故事
2.简单幽默英语小故事精选
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㈣ 超级搞笑英语笑话小短文
笑话受欢迎的原因当然在于其笑果。那么,笑竖陵话是如何产生的呢?就像文学源于生活一样,笑话也是源于生活。下面是我带来的，欢迎阅读!
篇一
给予与提取
My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind' her,"My children are in their 20's，and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?"
我的朋友为其子女的光临做着一些准备工作。这些工作余蠢戚当然包括要到银行去一超。当她在出纳员的窗外排队等候时，她对她身后的一位中年男子说:“我的孩子们都20多岁了，可我仍然得给他们钱。这种事什么时候才算完呢?”
"I'm not sure，"the man replied while glancing unfortably at a paper in his hand，"but I`m not the one to ask. I'm here to deposit a check my mother gave me."
“我可不知道。”那位男子边回答边不安地看着手里拿着的那张纸。“我可不是你该问的人，我到这儿是来支取我妈妈给我的支票的。”
篇二
妻子的欲望
A woman and her hu *** and were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.
一位女士在与他的丈夫购物时，她意识到她该为她的灰白头发买些染发水了。
"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff ,"plained the hu *** and."and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"
她丈夫抱怨说:“你什么时候才能停止买那些昂贵的东西，而让你的头发长成像芭芭拉.布什***总统夫人***的头发那样灰白呢?”
"The day that you're inaugurated,"the wife replied.
“那就要等到你就职的那天了。”妻子说。
篇三
一物降一物”
"It's annoying when my dentist starts up a conversation while he's working on my teeth，"one guy said to another.
一个人对另一个人说:“当我的牙医陪我看牙时，他总是跟我聊天。这真让我心烦。”
"I know just what you mean，”replied his friend. "But my Uncle Edgar used to drive this dentist crazy.'
档逗他的朋友回答说:“我明白你的意思，但我的叔叔艾德加就曾使这位牙医不知所措。”
"How so?"
“怎么会这样呢?”
"He was a ventriloquist."
“他是个口技演员。”
篇四
狼的故事
After two sleepless nights in a noisy campground，my wife and I were dreading another evening of radios and singslongs. Then a middle-aged couple pulled into the space beside us. While the wife prepared dinner，her hu *** and mounted two huge loud speakers on the roof of their camper. We crouched by our fire,waiting for the first blast of whatever these people considered music. To our surprise,the speakers remained silent，and just as the partiers were getting into full swing，our neighbors retired for the evening. We decided to do the same，although there seemed little chance of sleeping.
吵闹的宿营地使我和我老婆两个晚上都无法入睡。我们真担心第三个晚上的收音机声和唱歌声。接着，一对中年夫妇又在我们的附近找到了块儿地方呆了下来。女的做饭时，男的在他的帐顶上架起两个扩音器。我们围火而坐，等待着音乐一响出现的第一次喧闹。出乎我们的意料，扩音器没有任何声响。正当参加舞会的人进入 *** 时，我们的这两位邻居已开始休息了。虽然我们睡意还未到，我们还是决定睡觉。
As our tent was throbbing to a rock number，a low moan became audible，developing into an unmistakable wolf howl. It was soon joined by others in rising and falling harmonies. After reaching peak volume，the wild chorus faded quickly to utter silence. The campground was deathly quiet for what seemed like ages，and then a deep but pleasant voice said，"Relax，folks，it's just a recording. Good night."
我们的帐篷随着摇滚乐在颤动，这时好像还伴随着呜咽声，靳渐地这种叫声已无疑地变成了儿狼嚎。这种狼嚎声很快又掺进了其他的此起彼伏的和弦，一直到了极点。之后这种疯狂的叫喊声刹然而止，整个营地好像度过了几个时代的死一般的寂静后，一个深沉而又悦耳的声音传了出来:“各位，别紧张，这只是录音，晚安。”
篇五
聪明的孩子
It was the first day of school and a new student,the son of a Japanese busines *** an,entered the fourth grade.The teacher greeted the class and said，“Let’begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me liberty，or give me death'?"
开学的头一天，四年级来了一个新生。这是一个日本商人的儿子。老师跟全班打了招呼，并说:“我们先来复习一些美国的历文。谁曾经说过‘要么就让我死，要么就给我自由’?”
She saw only a sea of blank faces except for that of Toshiba，who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry，1775,"said the boy.“Now，”said the teacher,“Who said 'Government of the people，by the people，for the people shall not perish from the earth'?”
老师看到的好像是一片空白的脸，只有那位“东芝”举了手回答说:“亨利·柏垂克，1775年。”
Again, no response except from Toshiba:”Abraharn Lincoln，1863. "
老师又说:“好，谁说过‘民有、民治、民享的 *** 不会从地球土消失’?”
The teacher snapped at the class，"You should be ashamed. Toshiba，who is new to our country，knows more about it than you do."
然而除了东芝以外全班仍没有任何反应。
As she turned to write something on the blackboard，she heard a loud whisper:"Damned Japanese.”
“林肯， 1863年。”
"Who said that?"she demanded.
老师冲著全班打了一个响指说:“你们应感到害躁，这个新来我们国家的东芝比你们知道的都多。”
Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Jacocca，1982. "he said.
当老师在黑板上写字时，听到一声咒骂:“该死的日本人!”
老师问:“谁说的?”
㈤ 英语小故事1分钟幽默
故事教学法在外语学习中的运用取得了良好的效果并且得到了广泛的运用。我整理了1分钟幽默英语小故事，欢迎阅读!
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇一
The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well,gosh," was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了.他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃.门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开.”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊.天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答.
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇二
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇三
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇四
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈妈问。
妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。
㈥ 英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事
在繁忙的学习工作中，阅读一些幽默笑话是我们放松心情的好方式。既然这样，那么你知道英语幽默小 故事 有哪些吗？下面我为大家带来英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事，希望大家喜欢!
英语幽默小故事1：Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
幽默故事翻译：中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
英语幽默小故事2：Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
幽默故事翻译：
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要 出国 ，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
英语幽默小故事3：Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
幽默故事翻译：
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
英语幽默小故事4：Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
幽默故事翻译：五个月大
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
英语幽默小故事5：West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
幽默故事翻译：
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的 橄榄球 赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
英语幽默小故事6：Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
幽默故事翻译：送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
英语幽默小故事7：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
幽默故事翻译：慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了 魔术 棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。
英语幽默小故事8：Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
幽默故事翻译：森林之火
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”
英语幽默小故事9：Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."
幽默故事翻译：最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
英语幽默小故事10：Napoleon Was ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
幽默故事翻译：拿破仑病了
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm..com/hm.js?"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();㈦ 关于搞笑的英语短文阅读
随着全球化经济步伐的加快和跨文化交流的频繁,专业英语能力成为了高等专门人才的必备能力素质。本文是关于搞笑的英语短文，希望对大家有帮助!
关于搞笑的英语短文：谁最懒 Who Is the Laziest
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈顷敬雀过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道!想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课?
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
关于搞笑的英语短文：Things Have Been Okay.
A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.
Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."
"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taken this long."
"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."
中文：
一对年轻的夫妇对于他们四岁的儿子仍然不会说话这件事非常着急。他们带他去看专家，但是医生们找不出任何不正常的地方。
之后有一天早上，这个男孩突然说道：“妈妈，面包拷糊了。”
“你说话了!你说话了!”他的妈妈嚷道。“我真高兴!但是为什么要我们等这么长的时间呢?”
“嗯，直到现在，”男孩说，“每件事都很正常啊。”
关于搞笑的英语短文：欺骗的代价 The Revenge
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
雀早Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"稿配
译文：
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”
妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”
约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”
妻子：“为什么?”
约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”