搞笑的高一英語閱讀題

『壹』 高一英語短篇閱讀理解試題(2)

(5)

An owl is a bird with very large eyes. Those eyes make the owl look clever. The owl can not move its eyes freely as people can. It can only look straight ahead (朝前). If it wants to look at both sides, it must turn its neck.

Owls see better at night than ring the day. At night they look for food. They eat mice and insects.

Owls make a strange noise because the owls sleep most of the day. They usually give their cries at night. The cry sounds like “Whoo! Whoo!”. This strange sound sometimes frightens people at night.

26. An owl looks clever because it can look straight ahead.

27. An owl looks for food at night because it sees better at night than ring the day.

28. An owl lives on all kinds of birds.

29. The cry of an owl is frightening.

30. Man must not kill owls because they are helpful to people.

26-30 B A B A A

(6)

Coffee has become the most popular American drink. Today people in the United States drink more coffee than people in any of the other countries. People drink coffee at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner and between meals. They drink hot coffee or coffee with ice in it. They drink it at work and at home. They eat coffee ice-cream and coffee candy. Coffee is black and very strong. Different people like to drink it in different ways. Some people like coffee with cream or sugar in it. Other people like coffee with both cream and sugar in it. In all ways it is served. Coffee has become an international drink.

31. Coffee is an ____________ drink.

A . interesting B. international C. ice-cream D. American

32. Different people like to drink coffee ____________.

A. at work or at home B. in different ways C. with cream or sugar D. between meals

33. Today Americans drink ____________ coffee than people in any of the other countries.

A. as much as B. less C. more D. most

34. “Coffee is black and very strong.” The word STRONG here means ____________.

A.堅固的 B.淡的 C.清的 D.濃的

35. ____________ is the most popular American drink.

A. Black tea B. Coffee C. Water with ice D. Whisky

31-35 B B C D B

(7)

Computers are useful machines. They can help people a lot in their everyday life. For example, they can help people save much time, and they can help people work out many problems they can’t do easily. Our country asks everyone to learn to use computers except the old people.

Today more and more families own computers. Parents buy computers for their children.

They hope computers can help them improve (提高) their studies in school. Yet many of the children use computers to play games, to watch video or to sing Karaoke, instead of studying. So many teachers and parents complain (抱怨) that computers can not help children to study but make them fall behind. So computers are locked by parents in the boxes.

In some other countries, even some scientists hate computers. They say computers let millions of people lost their jobs or bring them a lot of trouble.

Will computers really bring trouble to people or can they bring people happiness? It will be decided by people themselves.

36. Why do we say the computer is a useful machine? Because _______________.

A. our country asks us to learn it

B. it can help us a lot

C. we can use it to play games

D. it can help us to find jobs

37. What do many teachers and parents complain about? _______________.

A. Their students and children use computers to play games.

B. Computers let them lost their jobs.

C. Computers make the students and children fall behind.

D. Computers bring people a lot of trouble.

38. In this passage we know computers _______________.

A. also bring us trouble

B. bring us happiness only

C. are hated by people

D. are bad for people’s health

39. Can computers really help children to study? _______________.

A. Yes, they can. B. It’s hard to say C. No, they can’t. D. Of course not.

40. How do you understand the last sentence of this passage? I think it means _______.

A. computers are used by people

B. people can live well without computers

C. one must decide how to use computers

D. computers are strange machines

36-40 B C A A C

(8)

Once upon a time there lived an old man. He had three sons. One day, he called them together and said, "Sons, I will die soon. To my oldest son I give half my camels, to my second, one-third(三分之一), and to my youngest, one-ninth (九分之一)." Soon after that he died.

Now, the old man had seventeen camels, and the three brothers didn't know how to do as their father said. They thought a long time about the problem, and it seemed that they must either kill some of the camels and cut them into pieces, or disobey their father. At last they went to their father's old friend and asked for his advice. As soon as he heard their story, he said, "I will help you. I was a good friend of your father's. I am old. I have only one camel, but take it-it is yours."

The three sons thanked the old man and took his camel. Now they found it was easy to do as their father wished, The oldest took half- that was nine camels; the second took one-third, that was six; and the youngest took one-ninth, that was two.

After each had got his camels, they found that there was still a camel there. So, to show their thanks to their father's friend, they gave the camel back to him

41. "Once upon a time" means " ________".

A. long long ago B. not very long ago

C. at once D. sometimes

42. The meaning of "disobey" in the second paragraph is" ________".

A. 服從 B. 違背 C. 聽從 D. 嘲笑

43. The meaning of "asked for his advice" in the second paragraph is " ________".

A. 向他請教 B. 問他數量 C. 批評他 D. 勸告他

44. The second old man ________the three brothers.

A. was good to B. was not good to C. didn't like D. cheated(哄騙)

45. Both the two old men in the story were ________.

A. foolish B. clever C. poor D. rich

41-45 A B A A B

(9)

Tom lived by himself a long way from town. He hardly went to town, but one day he went into town to buy a few things. After he bought them, he went into a restaurant and sat down at a table. When he looked around, he saw some old people put glasses on before reading their newspapers. So after lunch he decided to go to a shop to buy himself one pair, too. He walked along the road, and soon found a shop.

The man in the shop let him try on a lot of glasses, but Tom always said, "No, I can't read with these."

The man became puzzled (迷惑的) , and he said, "Excuse me, but can you read?"

"No, of course I can't!" Tom said angrily. "If I could read before, do you think I would come here to buy your glasses?"

46. Tom lived ______.

A. with his family B. near town C. in the country D. in town

47. Tom didn't go to town______.

A. never B. often C. sometimes D. sometime

48. Why did Tom decide to buy a pair of glasses?

A. Because he thought if he bought them, he could read.

B. Because they were very bright.

C. Because they were cheap.

D. Because he could read newspaper.

49. Tom went to the shop to ______.

A. have a rest B. have dinner C. wear glasses D. buy a pair of glasses

46-49 C B A D

(10)

We know mosquitoes very well. Mosquitoes fly everywhere. They can be found almost all over the world, and there are more than 2,500 kinds of them.

No one likes the mosquito. But the mosquito may decide if she loves you. She? Yes, she. The male mosquito doesn’t bite! Only the female mosquito bites because she needs blood to lay eggs. She is always looking for things or people she wants to bite. If she likes what she finds, she bites. But if she doesn’t like your blood, she will turn to someone else for more delicious blood. Next time a mosquito bites you, just remember you are chosen. You’re different from the others!

If the mosquito likes you, she lands on your body without letting you know. She bites you so quickly and quietly that you may not feel anything different. After she bites, you will have an itch(癢) on your body because she puts something from her mouth together with your blood. When the itch begins, she has flown away.

And then what happens? Well, after her delicious dinner, the mosquito feels tired. She wants to find a place to have a good rest. There, in a tree or on a wall, she begins to lay eggs, hundreds of eggs.

( )51.All the people don’t like mosquitoes.

( )52.All mosquitoes like to bite people for blood.

( )53.If a mosquito wants to bite you, it means she is very tired.

( )54.The mosquito bites you too quickly and quietly to let you know.

( )55.The itch begins after the mosquito flies away.

51-55 FFFTT

(12)

Do you know why different animals or pests(昆蟲) have their special colours? Colours in them seem to be used mainly to protect themselves.

Some birds like eating locusts(蝗蟲), but birds cannot easily catch them. Why? It is because locusts change their colours together with the change of the colours of crops(莊稼). When crops are green, locusts look green. But as the harvest (收獲)time comes, locusts change to the same brown colour as crops have. Some other pests with different colours from plants are easily found and eaten by others. So they have to hide themselves for lives and appear only at night.

If you study the animal life, you’ll find the main use of colouring is to protect themselves. Bears, lions and other animals move quietly through forests. They cannot be easily seen by hunters. This is because they have the colours much like the tes.

Have you ever found an even more strange act? A kind of fish in the sea can send out a kind of very black liquid(液體) when it faces danger. While the liquid spreads over(散開), its enemies(敵人) cannot find it. And it immediately swims away. So it has lived up to now though it is not strong at all.

( )56.From the passage we learn that locusts________.

A. are small animals

B. are easily found by birds

C. are dangerous to their enemies

D. change their colours to protect themselves

( )57.How can pests with different colours from plants keep out of danger?

A. They run away quickly.

B. They have the colours much like their enemies.

C. They hide themselves by day and appear at night.

D. They have to move quietly.

( )58.Bears and lions can keep safe because________.

A. they have the colours much like the trees

B. they move quietly

C. they like brown and grey colours

D. they live in forests

( )59.Why can the kind of fish live up to now?

A. Because it is very big and strong.

Because the liquid it sends out can help it escape from its enemies.

B. Because the liquid it sends out can kill its enemies.

C. Because it swims faster than any other fish.

( )60.Which is the best title for this passage?

A. The Change of Colours for Animals and Pests.

B. Colours of Different Animals and pests.

C. The Main Use of Colours for Animals and Pests.

D. Some Animals and Pests.

56-60 D C A B C

『貳』 麻煩幫我提供些超級搞笑的英語短文,要高一學生看得懂的,謝謝

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？

學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請說說看。

學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

魚網

"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。

"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老師

9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。

"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。

"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考試

在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。

這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後

5.You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

6. I Could Use a Little Money

Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply don't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

7.Two thousand five hundred!"

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"

8.Is John Listening?

Teacher: John, why aren't you listening?
John: But, teacher, I am listening!
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said.
John: You said, "John, why aren't you listening?"

9. Keys to one Success

One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness.

Once you promise somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's word.'

"What is cleverness? asked his son.

"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.

10.I always do

Two motorists stopped head-on on a bridge too narrow for their cars to pass.

"I never back up for an idiot." said one driver angrily.

"I always do." replied the other as he shifted into reverse.

11.He told me to see you

Doctor: And whom did you consult about your illness before you came to me?

Patient: Only the druggist down at the corner.

Doctor: And what sort of ridiculous advice did he gave you?

Patient: He told me to see you!

12.How are you？ 翻譯：怎麼是你呀？
How old are you? 怎麼老是你呀？

13.某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。
一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，
忙說：I am sorry.
老外應道：I am sorry too.
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.

14.A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一個引擎

一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦 ？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」

15.
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

醫生住在樓下
「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。
「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」

16.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人？
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」
17.
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告「年輕者」
這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，
千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」
18.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。

19.
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.

給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
20.
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
21.
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」
22.
He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的?
-- 墓地守墓人。

23.

What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。

24.
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl: Father, I have sinned.

Preacher: What did you do, little girl¡

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher: Why¡ What did he do to you¡

Girl: He touched my breast.

Preacher: You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.)

Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher: You mean like this¡ (He did it again.)

Girl: Yes, thats what he did.

Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.

Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what)

Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...

Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...

Girl: But he had AIDS!!

Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

『叄』 我求一些英語閱讀的笑話~~~盡量就是小短文~~~誰能幫幫我啊

搜就好了啊
這是我查到的

1、How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

中文翻譯
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麼不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文？"
被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
丈夫給妻子看了一項調查結果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個字，而女人每天使用30000個。
妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字數是男人的兩倍，因為她們必須重復已經說過的話。
他問："什麼？"

3

Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：這個座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。

4、

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了？" 媽媽在廚房裡問。"他在哭。"
"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。"
"他已經吃完自己的了么？"
"是的。" "我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。"

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
路人甲對路人乙說，"猜猜我兜里有幾個子兒？"
路人乙說："我猜對了，你能給我一個不？"
路人甲說："你要猜對了，我兩個全部給你！"

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區別

"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," said an instructor at a university graate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graate students just write it down."
一個教師在研究生工程學課堂上說："我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說'下午好'的時候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？
湯姆：每個月都有啊！

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐發現她的一名學生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責他。
這位主日學校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠都那麼丑。"
博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.
While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."
She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."
一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。
當他和祖母聊天時，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，並把花生都給吃光了。
他們離開時，他的朋友對祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"
結果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光後，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多麼可怕。
他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水裡蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。
"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什麼結論？"
"恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚裡就不會長蟲了！"

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

中文翻譯：

一個看起來很難受的窮人走進大夫的診室。

"大夫！"他說，"幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！"

"天哪，"大夫說，"早幹嘛去了？你當時怎麼不來看？"

"實話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當時還不缺錢！"

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。
女孩：應該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
"To be deaf," replied the boy.
"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
在一次音樂學院的入學考試中，老師問其中一個男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質是什麼？"
"耳聾，"男孩答道。
"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。
"怎麼了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待："你怎麼了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"
男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。"
酒吧招待："那你應該高興才是啊！"
男人："不，今天是這個月的最後一天。"

【Laughter】2009-5-27
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在擔憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔憂。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會買；而對於女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會買。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"
女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。
"不論是誰，一旦違規，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什麼疑問么？"
這時人群中一個男同學問道，"那麼一個季度通行證需要多少錢？"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？
女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.
醫生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：應該如此。我昨晚練習了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."
Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."
皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現了我做過的所有蠢事。"
鮑勃："你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。"

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"
哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什麼大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"
弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"
"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"
巡警發現一名婦女邊開車邊織毛衣，便開車上前，說："靠邊停車(套頭衫)！"
"不，" 她回答，"是一雙襪子！"

『肆』 高一英語閱讀理解題及答案

高一英語閱讀理解題及答案

在平時做題時一定要鍛煉自己在閱讀時的速度，因為閱讀要求速度與准確度的'完美結合。下面是我整理的高一英語閱讀理解答案，希望能幫到大家!

高一英語閱讀理解題【1】

More and more often we heard of people talking about Karaoke(卡拉OK)。 But what on earth it is about， still remains a question for many people. Karaoke is a sort of acoustic equipment which was invented in Japan around the middle of the 1970's. It means "a band without people" in Japanese. In fact， it is just a music tape without words. This equipment first appeared in some public houses and snack bars， and mainly for the customers to enjoy themselves. Most of the music in Karaoke was popular music. Therefore， at times， when anyone felt like it， he might sing songs to the accompaniment of the music that came from the equipment. Shortly after its invention， Karaoke was spread to the whole world. It was introced to China and was welcomed by many people. Although you are not a good singer， or even sometimes you may sing out of tune， you can always enjoy yourself by singing Karaoke.

70. In this passage "band" means "group of persons ________."

A. who play games on the sports ground

B. who play music together

C. living in the same neighborhood

D. doing things together under a leader and with a common purpose

71. Karaoke is just a ______.

A. cassette tape with only music

B. cassette tape recorder

C. band from Japan

D. voice recording equipment

72. People went to public houses and snack bars ______when Karaoke appeared.

A. to have a good time

B. to have something to drink

C. to get something to eat

D. to buy the equipment

73. Karaoke was spread to the whole world ________.

A. as soon as it was invented

B. long before

C. not long after it was invented

D. before long

74. The main idea of this passage is ______.

A. all persons like to play Karaoke

B. to introce Karaoke to the people

C. Karaoke is a wonderful equipment

D. Karaoke is used everywhere including snack bars

答案：BAACC

高一英語閱讀理解題【2】

I really love my job because I enjoy working with small children and like the challenges and awards from the job. I also think my work is important. There was a time when I thought I would never have that sort of career(職業)。

I wasn‘t an excellent student because I didn’t do much schoolwork. In my final term I started thinking what I might do and found I didn‘t have much to offer. I just accepted that I wasn’t the type to have a career.

I then found myself a job， looking after two little girls. It wasn‘t too bad at first. But the problems began when I agreed to live in， so that I would be there if my boss had to go out for business in the evening. We agreed that if I had to work extra hours one week， she’d give me time off the next. But unfortunately， it didn‘t often work out. I was getting extremely tired and fed up， because I had too many late nights and early mornings with the children.

One Sunday， I was in the park with the children， and met Megan who used to go to school with me. I told her about my situation. She suggested that I should do a course and get a qualification(資格證書)if I wanted to work with children. I didn‘t think I would be accepted because I didn’t take many exams in school. She persuaded me to phone the local college and they were really helpful. My experience counted for a lot and I got on a part-time course. I had to leave my job with the family， and got work helping out at a kindergarten.

Now I‘ve got a full-time job there. I shall always be thankful to Megan. I wish I had known earlier that you could have a career， even if you aren’t top of the class at school.

56. When staying with the two girls‘ family，the author ________.

A. was paid for extra work

B. often worked long hours

C. got much help from her boss

D. took a day off every other week

57. Why did the author leave her first job?

A. She found a full-time job.

B. She was fed up with children.

C. She decided to attend a part-time course.

D. She needed a rest after working extra hours.

58. What has the author learned from her own experiences?

A. Less successful students can still have a career.

B. Qualifications are necessary for a career.

C. Hard work makes an excellent student.

D. One must choose the job she like.

答案：BCA

高一英語閱讀理解題【3】

Guangzhou (Xinhua)——12 people were killed and 20 injured early yesterday morning when they jumped from a burning train car into the path of an oncoming goods train in Southern China. When No. 247 Wuchang——Guangzhou passenger train was passing the Dayaoshan Tunnel in Guangdong Province， South China at 00 ：17 hours yesterday， a fire caused by passengers' smoking broke out on No. 17 car. They wanted to extinguish fire. As the train stopped some frightened passengers jumped from windows. 12 people were crushed to death and 20 others injured by a northward passing goods train(No. 1766)。

75. In which direction did the passenger train travel?

A. Northward.

B. Southward.

C. Eastward.

D. Westward.

76. When did the accident happen?

A. At 00：17 am.

B. At 00：17 pm.

C. At seventeen past one.

D. At seventeen to one.

77. Where did the accident happen?

A. In Wuchang.

B. In Guangzhou.

C. In Hubei.

D. In Guangdong.

78. For what did the passenger train stop?

A. To put out the fire.

B. To let the passengers jump out.

C. To let the other train pass.

D. To pick up some other passengers.

79. What was the cause of the fire?

A. A heavy rain.

B. High temperature.

C. Carelessness.

D. Fear.

答案： BADAC

;

『伍』 超級搞笑英語笑話小短文

笑話受歡迎的原因當然在於其笑果。那麼,笑豎陵話是如何產生的呢?就像文學源於生活一樣,笑話也是源於生活。下面是我帶來的，歡迎閱讀!
篇一
給予與提取

My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind' her,"My children are in their 20's，and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?"

我的朋友為其子女的光臨做著一些准備工作。這些工作余蠢戚當然包括要到銀行去一超。當她在出納員的窗外排隊等候時，她對她身後的一位中年男子說:「我的孩子們都20多歲了，可我仍然得給他們錢。這種事什麼時候才算完呢?」

"I'm not sure，"the man replied while glancing unfortably at a paper in his hand，"but I`m not the one to ask. I'm here to deposit a check my mother gave me."

「我可不知道。」那位男子邊回答邊不安地看著手裡拿著的那張紙。「我可不是你該問的人，我到這兒是來支取我媽媽給我的支票的。」
篇二
妻子的慾望

A woman and her hu *** and were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.

一位女士在與他的丈夫購物時，她意識到她該為她的灰白頭發買些染發水了。

"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff ,"plained the hu *** and."and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"

她丈夫抱怨說:「你什麼時候才能停止買那些昂貴的東西，而讓你的頭發長成像芭芭拉.布希***總統夫人***的頭發那樣灰白呢?」

"The day that you're inaugurated,"the wife replied.

「那就要等到你就職的那天了。」妻子說。
篇三
一物降一物」

"It's annoying when my dentist starts up a conversation while he's working on my teeth，"one guy said to another.

一個人對另一個人說:「當我的牙醫陪我看牙時，他總是跟我聊天。這真讓我心煩。」

"I know just what you mean，」replied his friend. "But my Uncle Edgar used to drive this dentist crazy.'

檔逗他的朋友回答說:「我明白你的意思，但我的叔叔艾德加就曾使這位牙醫不知所措。」

"How so?"

「怎麼會這樣呢?」

"He was a ventriloquist."

「他是個口技演員。」
篇四
狼的故事

After two sleepless nights in a noisy campground，my wife and I were dreading another evening of radios and singslongs. Then a middle-aged couple pulled into the space beside us. While the wife prepared dinner，her hu *** and mounted two huge loud speakers on the roof of their camper. We crouched by our fire,waiting for the first blast of whatever these people considered music. To our surprise,the speakers remained silent，and just as the partiers were getting into full swing，our neighbors retired for the evening. We decided to do the same，although there seemed little chance of sleeping.

吵鬧的宿營地使我和我老婆兩個晚上都無法入睡。我們真擔心第三個晚上的收音機聲和唱歌聲。接著，一對中年夫婦又在我們的附近找到了塊兒地方呆了下來。女的做飯時，男的在他的帳頂上架起兩個擴音器。我們圍火而坐，等待著音樂一響出現的第一次喧鬧。出乎我們的意料，擴音器沒有任何聲響。正當參加舞會的人進入 *** 時，我們的這兩位鄰居已開始休息了。雖然我們睡意還未到，我們還是決定睡覺。

As our tent was throbbing to a rock number，a low moan became audible，developing into an unmistakable wolf howl. It was soon joined by others in rising and falling harmonies. After reaching peak volume，the wild chorus faded quickly to utter silence. The campground was deathly quiet for what seemed like ages，and then a deep but pleasant voice said，"Relax，folks，it's just a recording. Good night."

我們的帳篷隨著搖滾樂在顫動，這時好像還伴隨著嗚咽聲，靳漸地這種叫聲已無疑地變成了兒狼嚎。這種狼嚎聲很快又摻進了其他的此起彼伏的和弦，一直到了極點。之後這種瘋狂的叫喊聲剎然而止，整個營地好像度過了幾個時代的死一般的寂靜後，一個深沉而又悅耳的聲音傳了出來:「各位，別緊張，這只是錄音，晚安。」
篇五
聰明的孩子

It was the first day of school and a new student,the son of a Japanese busines *** an,entered the fourth grade.The teacher greeted the class and said，「Let』begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me liberty，or give me death'?"

開學的頭一天，四年級來了一個新生。這是一個日本商人的兒子。老師跟全班打了招呼，並說:「我們先來復習一些美國的歷文。誰曾經說過『要麼就讓我死，要麼就給我自由』?」

She saw only a sea of blank faces except for that of Toshiba，who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry，1775,"said the boy.「Now，」said the teacher,「Who said 'Government of the people，by the people，for the people shall not perish from the earth'?」

老師看到的好像是一片空白的臉，只有那位「東芝」舉了手回答說:「亨利·柏垂克，1775年。」

Again, no response except from Toshiba:」Abraharn Lincoln，1863. "

老師又說:「好，誰說過『民有、民治、民享的 *** 不會從地球土消失』?」

The teacher snapped at the class，"You should be ashamed. Toshiba，who is new to our country，knows more about it than you do."

然而除了東芝以外全班仍沒有任何反應。

As she turned to write something on the blackboard，she heard a loud whisper:"Damned Japanese.」

「林肯， 1863年。」

"Who said that?"she demanded.

老師沖著全班打了一個響指說:「你們應感到害躁，這個新來我們國家的東芝比你們知道的都多。」

Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Jacocca，1982. "he said.

當老師在黑板上寫字時，聽到一聲咒罵:「該死的日本人!」

老師問:「誰說的?」

『陸』 高一英語閱讀訓練題及參考答案

閱讀理解在高一英語考試中佔有很大的分值，堅持英語閱讀訓練是每天必做的功課。下面我為大家帶來高一英語閱讀訓練題，供大家閱讀練習。
高一英語閱讀訓練題***一***
Grandma was a wonderful story-teller, and she had a set of priceless, indivially ***獨特地*** tailored stories with which American grandparents of her day brought up children. There was the story of the little boys who had been taught plete, quick obedience ***服從***. One day when they were out on the grassy plain, their father shouted. 「Fall down on your faces!」 They did, and the terrible prairie***草原*** fire swept over them and they weren』t hurt. There was also the story of three boys at school, each of whom received a cake sent from home. One saved his, and the mice ate it; one ate all of his , and he got sick; and who do you think had the best time? —Why, of course, the one who shared his cake with his friends.

1. What is the main idea of this passage?

A. Children should obey their parents quickly.

B. Children should share with others.

C. The author remembers many of her grandma』s wonderful stories.

D. The grandma』s stories helped teach the children morals and good manners.

2. Which of the following details supports the main idea of the passage?

A. The children were saved from the fire because they followed directions.

B. Grandma told a story of three boys at school.

C. Each of the three boys got a cake sent from home.

D. The big prairie fire soon spread over to the village.

3. Which of the following statements is true?

A. The author was saved from the fire.

B. The author was brought up from his grandmother.

C. Grandma was good at telling children stories.

D. Grandma told stories to children just for fun.

4. All of the following were not praised by the author except ___________.

A. the boy who shared his cake with others

B. the boy who ate up all his cake by himself

C. the boy who kept the cake for the future

D. the boys who didn』t obey their parents

5. According to this passage, the underlined word tailored probably means __________.

A. measured B. specially prepared C. cut D. invented
高一英語閱讀訓練題答案
1D 2 A 3 C 4 A 5 B
高一英語閱讀訓練題***二***
When we see well, we do not think about our eyes very often. It is only when we cannot see perfectly that we realize how important our eyes are.

People who are near-sighted can only see things that are very close to their eyes, Everything else seems blurry***=unclear***. Many people who do a lot of work, such as writing, reading and sewing bee near—sighted. Then

People who are far-sighted suffer from just the opposite problem. They can see things that are far away, but they have difficulty in reading a book unless they hold it at arm』s length. If they want to do much reading ,they must get glasses, too.

Other people do not see clearly because their eyes are not exactly the right shape. They have what is called astigmati *** ***散光***. This, too, can be corrected by glasses. Some people』s eyes bee cloudy because of cataracts ***白內障***. Long ago these people often became blind. Now, however, it is possible to operate on the cataracts and remove them.

Having two good eyes is important for judging distances. Each eye sees things from a slightly different angle ***角度***. To prove this to yourself, look at an object our of one eye; then look at the same object out of your other eye. You will find the object』s relation to the background and other things around it has changed. The difference between these two different eye views helps us to judge how far away an object is. People who have only one eye cannot judge distance as people with two eyes.

1. We should take good care of our eyes .

A. only when we can see well

B. only when we cannot see perfectly

C. even if we can see well

D. only when we realize how important our eyes are

2. When things far away seem indistinct***模糊不清*** , one is probably .

A. near-sighted B. far-sighted

C. astigmatic D. suffering from cataracts

3. The underlined word suffer in the third paragraph probably means .

A. experience B. imagine

C. feel pain D. are affected with

4. Having two eyes instead of one is particularly useful for .

A. seeing at night B. seeing objects far away

C. looking over a wide area D. judging distances

5. People who suffer from astigmati *** have .

A. one eye bigger than the other

B. eyes that are not exactly the right shape

C. a difficulty that can be corrected by an operation

D. an eye difficulty that cannot be corrected by glasses
高一英語閱讀訓練題答案
1C 2 A 3 D 4 D 5 B

『柒』 幽默類的英語短文閱讀

隨著經濟全球化的發展和國際交往的日益頻繁,語言成為人們互相交流的重要橋梁。英語教學已成為各級學校的重點教學內容。本文是幽默類的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!
幽默類的英語短文：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the hu *** and's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重許願

一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。

妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯!」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」

仙女拾起了魔術棒。「呯!」，他變成了90歲。
幽默類的英語短文：Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance.

He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."

A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。

於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，「求救，求救」。

一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了回應，「報告你的位置」。

「I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里」。

沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的朋友，「你的船靠岸時開得有多快?」
幽默類的英語短文：Friend for Dinner
Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

請朋友吃飯

「親愛的，」丈夫對妻子說：「我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。」

「什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。」

「這些我全都知道。」

「那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?」

「因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。」
幽默類的英語短文：A Peddler of Selling Earthen Basins ***賣瓦盆的小販***
A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked :"Earthen basin is round, beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, that earthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack***爆裂聲*** . Lookers-on burst into the roars of laughter. He threw the fragments***碎片，殘片*** without extra trouble into paddy***稻穀，稻田*** field, but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off***放過，不懲罰*** easily:" How the deuce ***強式特指問句*** can you throw them into my field? They』ll impede ***妨礙***my growing crops!" The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:" Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."

一個小販在路邊賣瓦盆，他一邊敲一邊唱：「瓦盆圓又圓，結實又好看，光聽這聲音，就知不一般。」敲著敲著，「啪啦」一聲，把盆敲爛了。圍觀的人一陣鬨笑。他順手把碎片扔進了稻田裡，誰知人群中一個老農不幹了：「你怎麼能往我地里扔?這不影響我種田嗎?」 賣瓦盆的小販連忙辯解：「不要緊，瓦片見水一會兒就粉了。」

『捌』 關於搞笑的英語短文閱讀

隨著全球化經濟步伐的加快和跨文化交流的頻繁,專業英語能力成為了高等專門人才的必備能力素質。本文是關於搞笑的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!

關於搞笑的英語短文：誰最懶 Who Is the Laziest

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

中文：

父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談頃敬雀過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶?

湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。

父親：啊，不對，你知道!想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課?

湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。

關於搞笑的英語短文：Things Have Been Okay.

A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.

Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taken this long."

"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."

中文：

一對年輕的夫婦對於他們四歲的兒子仍然不會說話這件事非常著急。他們帶他去看專家，但是醫生們找不出任何不正常的地方。

之後有一天早上，這個男孩突然說道：“媽媽，麵包拷糊了。”

“你說話了!你說話了!”他的媽媽嚷道。“我真高興!但是為什麼要我們等這么長的時間呢?”

“嗯，直到現在，”男孩說，“每件事都很正常啊。”

關於搞笑的英語短文：欺騙的代價 The Revenge

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

Johnson: "But I want you to."

雀早Wife: "But why?"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"稿配

譯文：

老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對妻子說：“我死後，我想你嫁給農夫瓊斯。”

妻子說：“不，在你死後，我不能嫁給任何人。”

約翰遜：“但我希望你這么做。”

妻子：“為什麼?”

約翰遜：“因為瓊斯曾在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”

『玖』 求10篇英語閱讀（高一），越短越好，要答案

AEarly one morning, more than a hundred years ago, an American inventor called Elias Howe finally fell asleep. He had been working all night on the design of a sewing machine but he had run into a very difficult problem: It seemed impossible to get the thread to run smoothly around the needle.Though he was tired, Howe slept badly. He turned and turned. Then he had a dream. He dreamt that he had been caught by terrible savages whose king wanted to kill him and eat him unless he could build a perfect sewing machine. When he tried to do so, Howe ran into the same problem as before. The thread kept getting caught around the needle. The king flew into the cage and ordered his soldiers to kill Howe. They came up towards him with their spears raised. But suddenly the inventor noticed something. There was a hole in the tip of each spear. The inventor awoke from the dream, realizing that he had just found the answer to the problem. Instead of trying to get the thread to run around the needle, he should make it run through a small hole in the center of the needle. This was the simple idea that finally made Howe design and build the first really practised sewing machine.Elias Howe was not the only one in finding the answer to his problem in this way.Thomas Edison, the inventor of the electric light, said his best ideas came into him in dreams. So did the great physicist Albert Einstein. Charlotte Bronte also drew in her dreams in writing Jane Eyre.To know the value of dreams, you have to understand what happens when you are asleep. Even then, a part of your mind is still working. This unconscious(無意識的), but still active part understands your experiences and goes to work on the problems you have had ring the day. It stores all sorts of information that you may have forgotten or never have really noticed. It is only when you fall asleep that this part of the brain can send messages to the part you use when you are awake. However, the unconscious part acts in a special way. It uses strange images which the conscious part may not understand at first. This is why dreams are sometimes called 「secret messages to ourselves」.1..According to the passage, Elias Howe was________.A. the first person we know of who solved problems in his sleepB. much more hard-working than other inventorsC. the first person to design a sewing machine that really workedD. the only person at the time who knew the value of dreams2.The problem Howe was trying to solve was________.A. what kind of thread to useB. how to design a needle which would not breakC. where to put the needleD. how to prevent the thread from getting caught around the needle3.Thomas Edison is spoken of because________.A. he also tried to invent a sewing machineB. he got some of his ideas from dreamsC. he was one of Howe』s best friendsD. he also had difficulty in falling asleep4.Dreams are sometimes called「secret messages to ourselves」 because___.A. strange images are used to communicate ideasB. images which have no meaning are usedC. we can never understand the real meaningD. only specially trained people can understand themBLanguage learning begins with listening. Children are greatly different in the amount of listening they do before they start speaking, and later starters are often long listeners .Most children will 「obey」 spoken instructions some time before they can speak, though the word 「obey」 is hardly accurate as a description of the eager and delighted cooperation usually shown by the child .Before they can speak, many children will also ask questions by gesture and by making questioning noises.Any attempt to study the development from the noises babies make to their first spoken words leads to considerable difficulties. It is agreed that they enjoy making noises, and that ring the first few months one or two noises sort themselves as particularly expressive as delight, pain, friendliness, and so on. But since these can』t be said to show the baby』s intention to communicate ,they can hardly be regarded as early forms of language. It is agreed, too, that from about three months they play with sounds for enjoyment, and that by six months they are able to add new words to their store. This self-imitation（模仿） on to deliberate（有意的）imitation of sounds made or words spoken to them by other people. The problem then arises as to the point at which one can say that these imitations can be considered as speech.It is a problem we need to get out teeth into. The meaning of a word depends on what a particular person means by it in a particular situation and it is clear that what a child means by a word will change as he gains more experience of the world .Thus the use at seven months of 「mama」 as a greeting for his mother cannot be dismissed as a meaningless sound simply because he also uses it at other times for his father, his dog, or anything else he likes. Playful and meaningless imitation of what other people say continues after the child has begun to speak for himself, I doubt, however whether anything is gained when parents take advantage of this ability in an attempt to teach new sounds .5.Before children start speaking________.A.they need equal amount of listeningB.they need different amounts of listeningC.they are all eager to cooperate with the alts by obeying spoken instructionsD.they can』t understand and obey the alt』s oral instructions6.Children who start speaking late ________.A.may have problems with their listeningB.probably do not hear enough language spoken around themC.usually pay close attention to what they hearD.often take a long time in learning to listen properly7.A baby』s first noises are ________.A.an expression of his moods and feelingsB.an early form of languageC.a sign that he means to tell you somethingD.an imitation of the speech of alts8.The problem of deciding at what point a baby』s imitations can be considered as speech________.A.is important because words have different meanings for different peopleB.is not especially important because the changeover takes place graallyC.is one that should be properly understood because the meaning of words changes with ageD.is one that should be completely ignored（忽略）because children』s use of words is often meaningless 9.The speaker implies________.A.parents can never hope to teach their children new soundsB.children no longer imitate people after they begin to speakC.children who are good at imitating learn new words more quicklyD.even after they have learnt to speak, children still enjoy imitatingCThe greatest recent changes have been in the lives of women. During the twentieth century there was an unusual shortening of the time of a woman』s life spent in caring for children. A woman marrying at the end of the 19th century would probably have been in her middle twenties, and would be likely to have seven or eight children, of whom four or five lived till they were five years old. By the time the youngest was fifteen, the mother would have been in her early fifties and would expect to live a further twenty years, ring which custom, chance and health made it unusual for her to get paid work. Today women marry younger and have fewer children. Usually a woman』s youngest child will be fifteen when she is forty-five and is likely to take paid work until retirement at sixty. Even while she has the care of children ,her work is lightened by household appliances（家用電器）and convenience foods.This important change in women』s way of life has only recently begun to have its full effect on women』 s economic position. Even a few years ago most girls left school at the first opportunity and most of them took a full-time job. However, when they married, they usually left work at once and never returned to it. Today the school-leaving age is sixteen, many girls stay at school after that age ,and though women tend to marry younger ,more married women stay at work at least until shortly before their first child is born. Many more after wads, return to full or part-time work.Such changes have led to a new relationship in marriage, with both husband and wife accepting a greater share of the ties and satisfaction of family life, and with both husband and wife sharing more equally in providing the money and running the home, according to the abilities and interest of each of them.10.We are told that in an average family about 1990________.A.many children died before they were fiveB.the youngest child would be fifteenC.seven of eight children lived to be more than fiveD.four or five children died when they were five11.When she was over fifty, the late 19th century mother________.A.would expect to work until she diedB.was usually expected to take up paid employmentC.would be healthy enough to take up paid employmentD.was unlikely to find a job even if she is now likely12.Many girls, the passage says, are now likely to ________.A.marry so that they can get a jobB.leave school as soon as they canC.give up their jobs for good after they are marriedD.continue working until they are going to have a baby13.According to the passage,it is now quite usual for women to ________.A.stay at home after leaving schoolB.marry men younger than themselvesC.start working again later in lifeD.marry while still at school 參考答案:CDBAB DABDD DDC 幫你找了一些 字數限制傳不上來 要是不夠可以到這兒找 http://hi..com/jnm370480388/blogO(∩_∩)O~