搞笑的英語閱讀短
㈠ 英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯
笑話是民族文化及社會生活中不可缺少的一環,從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛。我整理了英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯，歡迎閱讀!
英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯篇一
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening.
有兩名社會工作者在晚上的時候走過市區的簡陋地方。
They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane.Upon investigation,
他們聽到從後巷傳來的求救呻吟聲和很小的哭喊聲。經調查，
they found a semiconscious man in a pool of blood.
他們發現有一個意識不清的人躺在血泊之中。
"Help me,I've been mugged and viciously beaten ." he pleaded.
他在懇求說：“救救我吧，我被人行凶搶劫，還遭到惡意痛打一頓。”
The two social workers turned and walked away .
這兩名社會工作者轉身離去。
One remarked to her colleague: " You know the person that did this really needs help."
其中一位向她的同事說：“你知道吧，做這件事的人才是真正需要協助呀。”
英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯篇二
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER.
有一名男子患有心臟病，被送往醫院急診室。
The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away.
醫生告訴他，除非他立刻接受心臟移植，否則他就活不成。
Another doctor runs into the room and says,
另外一名，醫生跑進急診室說：
"you are in luck,two hearts just became avaible ,so you will get to choose which one you want.One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."
“你真幸運，剛好有兩個心臟可移植，所以你要選擇你要哪一個心臟。一個是屬於律師，另一個是屬於社會工作者。”
The man quickly responds,"the attorney's ."
這名男子很快響應說：“律師的。”
The doctor says,"Wait!Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
醫生說：“等等!你不想在你做決定之前了解一下他們嗎?”
The man says,"I already know enough.We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his .So I will take attorney's!"
這名男子說：“我已經知道夠了。大家都知道社會工作者都是流血的(有同情心的)心臟，而律師的心臟可能從來都不曾用過他的。所以我選擇律師的心臟。"
英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯篇三
Helen was on her deathbed ,
海倫躺在她臨終的病床上奄奄一息。
with her husband Jack at her side.
她的丈夫陪在她的身旁。
He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
他握著她冰冷的手，淚水靜靜地從他的臉上流下來。
Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"
她蒼白的嘴唇顫動著。她說：“傑克，”
Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Don't talk."
他很快就打斷說：“噓，不要說話。”
But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.
但是她堅持要說，她以疲憊的聲音說：
"I have to talk.I must confess.”
“傑克，我一定要說。我必須向你坦白。”
"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.
滿臉淚水的傑克說：“沒什麼好坦白的。
"It's all right.Everything's all right."
沒關系。一切都沒事。”
"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."
“不，不，我必須死得安心。我一定要坦白我對你不忠;紅杏出牆。”
Jack stroked her hand .
傑克撫摸著她的手。
"Now ,Helen,don't be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.
他啜泣著說：“海倫 ，現在你不要擔心了。我全部都知道了。
"Why else would I poison you ?"
不然我為什麼要毒死你呀?"
㈡ 英語幽默小故事5篇
英語 故事 會出現學生認識或是不認識的單詞，而這個單詞的重復不斷出現，會加深同學們對單詞的記憶。這種記憶不是死記硬背，而是在潛移默化中，讓學生記住。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
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英語幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
別撿地上的錢
一位經濟學教授和一名學生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學生走過去准備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。
「為什麼不撿?」
「假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了。」
「該發明的都已經被發明出來了。」
英語幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知識越少掙錢越多
定理：工程師和科學家永遠應當比經濟專家掙錢少。
下面是對該定理的一個嚴格的數學證明：
假設一：知識就是力量(Power)。
假設二：時間就是金錢。
每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識= 。求解金錢表達式，我們得到：金錢= 。
因此，當知識趨於零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨於無窮大。
結論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。
英語幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他們本該在晚上打球
神父、心理學家和經濟學家三人結伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲後朝他們走了過來。他 自我介紹 說是前面那組球手們的助手，因為那組球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們三位耐心等待。神父聽後忙說：「哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!」心理學家也趕緊說：「我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!」這時只聽經濟學家說：「哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的。」
英語幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.「Flight 354，「said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.「The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.」The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調整其正常接收頻率。"354航班，」指揮塔在呼叫，「請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯系。」這一指令重復了幾次之後，竟沒得到任何迴音。最後，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:"354航班，西蒙說速與135. 5預率聯系。」這一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答並迅速服從了指揮。」
英語幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司機都能回答那個問題
一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學展開一系列講座。為了完成這項任務，他租了一輛車並雇了一名司機載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機對這位經濟學家說：「我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了。」經濟學家覺得這個想法很有趣，於是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。
司機完美無瑕地完成了演講。可是當講座結束後，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術含量相當高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機沉思了一會，回答道：「這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機都能回答。」
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英文的故事雖然閱讀起來可能會有難度，但是只要每天堅持不懈的閱讀一定的文章，可以很好的增進自身的英文水平,下面這些是我為大家推薦的幾篇。
1：The bulging belly fox
A hungry Fox found in a hollow tree a quantity of bread and meat, which some shepherds had placed there against their return. Delighted with his find he slipped in through the narrow aperture and greedily devoured it all. But when he tried to get out again he found himself so swollen after his big meal that he could not squeeze through the hole, and fell to whining and groaning over his misfortune. Another Fox, happening to pass that way, came and asked him what the matter was; and, on learning the state of the case, said, 「Well, my friend, I see nothing for it but for you to stay where you are till you shrink to your former size; you』ll get out then easily enough.」
2:A Piggy Bank
Once there were lots of toys in a room. There was a saving box on the dresser, and it was a *** all piggy bank. The piggy bank was full of bronze, gold and silver coins.
The piggy bank knew that he had many coins inside of him. That's why he was always proud of himself in front of his friends. "I have a lot of money. It is enough to buy all of you." The piggy bank always looked down from the top of the dresser and said this proudly. Then, the other toys looked up the piggy bank with envious eyes.
One night, the beautiful moonlight poured into the room through a window. The toys in the room were so happy. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's play together on this beautiful night." A baby doll with a red velvet ribbon said. "Okay. Let's play a game." "After that, let's have a tea party." "Wow, it will be exciting!" All the toys shouted for joy.
Everyone except the piggy bank joined the party. "That party must be boring." He held up his head to the ceiling and pretended that he was not interested in the party. He thought it would make him less valuable to join in such an unimportant party.
"Hey, piggy bank! e on and join us. Let's enjoy the party." "e on." Everyone invited him to the party, but the piggy bank ignored their invitation. Therefore, the other toys enjoyed their party without the piggy bank.
A rocking horse put on a knitting ball tail and danced. A rubber ball rolled over, and a toy car drove round everywhere in the room. Everyone seemed so happy.
The piggy bank looked down at them playing and watched with an askance look. Then, the playing was over and the tea party began. The piggy bank couldn't stand not eating when he saw the food, and he came closer step by step to the edge of the dresser.
He *** elled delicious cookies. He suddenly stuck his head towards the toys gathered.
"Clink!" The piggy bank fell down to the floor. When the piggy bank broke into pieces, the bronze, gold and silver coins inside of him scattered noisily.
The other toys were surprised at the piggy bank's fall while they were enjoying the tea party. Everybody looked at the piggy bank with surprise. "Look at that poor piggy bank. He was always proud of himself." "It's so sad. He could not even enjoy the party." All the other toys felt sorry about the piggy bank.
3:The Wind And The Sun
One day the wind said to the sun, 「Look at that man walking along the road. I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can.」 「We will see about that,」 said the sun. 「I will let you try first.」 So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak. He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself. 「I give up,」 said the wind at last. 「I cannot get his cloak off.」 Then the sun tried. He shone as hard as he could. The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.
的人還：
1.英語幽默小故事
2.簡單幽默英語小故事精選
3.幽默英文小故事精選
4.英語幽默短故事
5.少兒英語幽默小故事精選
㈣ 超級搞笑英語笑話小短文
笑話受歡迎的原因當然在於其笑果。那麼,笑豎陵話是如何產生的呢?就像文學源於生活一樣,笑話也是源於生活。下面是我帶來的，歡迎閱讀!
篇一
給予與提取
My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind' her,"My children are in their 20's，and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?"
我的朋友為其子女的光臨做著一些准備工作。這些工作余蠢戚當然包括要到銀行去一超。當她在出納員的窗外排隊等候時，她對她身後的一位中年男子說:「我的孩子們都20多歲了，可我仍然得給他們錢。這種事什麼時候才算完呢?」
"I'm not sure，"the man replied while glancing unfortably at a paper in his hand，"but I`m not the one to ask. I'm here to deposit a check my mother gave me."
「我可不知道。」那位男子邊回答邊不安地看著手裡拿著的那張紙。「我可不是你該問的人，我到這兒是來支取我媽媽給我的支票的。」
篇二
妻子的慾望
A woman and her hu *** and were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.
一位女士在與他的丈夫購物時，她意識到她該為她的灰白頭發買些染發水了。
"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff ,"plained the hu *** and."and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"
她丈夫抱怨說:「你什麼時候才能停止買那些昂貴的東西，而讓你的頭發長成像芭芭拉.布希***總統夫人***的頭發那樣灰白呢?」
"The day that you're inaugurated,"the wife replied.
「那就要等到你就職的那天了。」妻子說。
篇三
一物降一物」
"It's annoying when my dentist starts up a conversation while he's working on my teeth，"one guy said to another.
一個人對另一個人說:「當我的牙醫陪我看牙時，他總是跟我聊天。這真讓我心煩。」
"I know just what you mean，」replied his friend. "But my Uncle Edgar used to drive this dentist crazy.'
檔逗他的朋友回答說:「我明白你的意思，但我的叔叔艾德加就曾使這位牙醫不知所措。」
"How so?"
「怎麼會這樣呢?」
"He was a ventriloquist."
「他是個口技演員。」
篇四
狼的故事
After two sleepless nights in a noisy campground，my wife and I were dreading another evening of radios and singslongs. Then a middle-aged couple pulled into the space beside us. While the wife prepared dinner，her hu *** and mounted two huge loud speakers on the roof of their camper. We crouched by our fire,waiting for the first blast of whatever these people considered music. To our surprise,the speakers remained silent，and just as the partiers were getting into full swing，our neighbors retired for the evening. We decided to do the same，although there seemed little chance of sleeping.
吵鬧的宿營地使我和我老婆兩個晚上都無法入睡。我們真擔心第三個晚上的收音機聲和唱歌聲。接著，一對中年夫婦又在我們的附近找到了塊兒地方呆了下來。女的做飯時，男的在他的帳頂上架起兩個擴音器。我們圍火而坐，等待著音樂一響出現的第一次喧鬧。出乎我們的意料，擴音器沒有任何聲響。正當參加舞會的人進入 *** 時，我們的這兩位鄰居已開始休息了。雖然我們睡意還未到，我們還是決定睡覺。
As our tent was throbbing to a rock number，a low moan became audible，developing into an unmistakable wolf howl. It was soon joined by others in rising and falling harmonies. After reaching peak volume，the wild chorus faded quickly to utter silence. The campground was deathly quiet for what seemed like ages，and then a deep but pleasant voice said，"Relax，folks，it's just a recording. Good night."
我們的帳篷隨著搖滾樂在顫動，這時好像還伴隨著嗚咽聲，靳漸地這種叫聲已無疑地變成了兒狼嚎。這種狼嚎聲很快又摻進了其他的此起彼伏的和弦，一直到了極點。之後這種瘋狂的叫喊聲剎然而止，整個營地好像度過了幾個時代的死一般的寂靜後，一個深沉而又悅耳的聲音傳了出來:「各位，別緊張，這只是錄音，晚安。」
篇五
聰明的孩子
It was the first day of school and a new student,the son of a Japanese busines *** an,entered the fourth grade.The teacher greeted the class and said，「Let』begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me liberty，or give me death'?"
開學的頭一天，四年級來了一個新生。這是一個日本商人的兒子。老師跟全班打了招呼，並說:「我們先來復習一些美國的歷文。誰曾經說過『要麼就讓我死，要麼就給我自由』?」
She saw only a sea of blank faces except for that of Toshiba，who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry，1775,"said the boy.「Now，」said the teacher,「Who said 'Government of the people，by the people，for the people shall not perish from the earth'?」
老師看到的好像是一片空白的臉，只有那位「東芝」舉了手回答說:「亨利·柏垂克，1775年。」
Again, no response except from Toshiba:」Abraharn Lincoln，1863. "
老師又說:「好，誰說過『民有、民治、民享的 *** 不會從地球土消失』?」
The teacher snapped at the class，"You should be ashamed. Toshiba，who is new to our country，knows more about it than you do."
然而除了東芝以外全班仍沒有任何反應。
As she turned to write something on the blackboard，she heard a loud whisper:"Damned Japanese.」
「林肯， 1863年。」
"Who said that?"she demanded.
老師沖著全班打了一個響指說:「你們應感到害躁，這個新來我們國家的東芝比你們知道的都多。」
Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Jacocca，1982. "he said.
當老師在黑板上寫字時，聽到一聲咒罵:「該死的日本人!」
老師問:「誰說的?」
㈤ 英語小故事1分鍾幽默
故事教學法在外語學習中的運用取得了良好的效果並且得到了廣泛的運用。我整理了1分鍾幽默英語小故事，歡迎閱讀!
1分鍾幽默英語小故事篇一
The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well,gosh," was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了.他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：“你上到五樓,找中間那個門,然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴.門開了之後,再用你的腳把門推開.”
“為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊.天哪,你總不會空著手來吧?”吝嗇鬼回答.
1分鍾幽默英語小故事篇二
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一個城市裡的遊客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農庄是什麼樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城裡人看見一位農夫在宅後的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，並把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城裡人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫 回答說，"時間對豬有什麼意義?"
1分鍾幽默英語小故事篇三
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
1分鍾幽默英語小故事篇四
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎? 媽媽問。
媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。
㈥ 英語幽默小故事16篇_英語趣味小故事
在繁忙的學習工作中，閱讀一些幽默笑話是我們放鬆心情的好方式。既然這樣，那麼你知道英語幽默小 故事 有哪些嗎？下面我為大家帶來英語幽默小故事16篇_英語趣味小故事，希望大家喜歡!
英語幽默小故事1：Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
幽默故事翻譯：中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」
中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。
英語幽默小故事2：Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I『m going abroad tomorrow, but I『d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I『ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that『s all right," answered Joan. "I『m his sister."
"I『m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I『m his mother!"
幽默故事翻譯：
在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，「我明天就要 出國 ，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。」瓊同意了，於是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
後來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。
瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，「我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。」
「這里只有親屬可以探望病人。」護士長說。
「噢，是的，」瓊說，「我是他的妹妹。」
「很高興認識你，」護士長說，「我是他的母親。」
英語幽默小故事3：Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one『s name was George, and the second one『s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven『t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What『s your girl-friend『s address?"
幽默故事翻譯：
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：「比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?」
比爾說：「有。」然後把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：「我還沒有筆呢。」比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完後把信放進信封里，又問：「比爾，你有郵票嗎?」比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：「你要出去嗎?」
比爾說：「是的。」隨即打開了門。
喬治說：「請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有...」他停住了。
「你還要什麼?」比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：「你女朋友的地址是-?」
英語幽默小故事4：Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John『s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy『s family name, so when he saw John『s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
幽默故事翻譯：五個月大
第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
「你多大了?」軍醫問。
「十八，長官。」約翰說。
「可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?」
約翰臉紅了，說：「哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。」
英語幽默小故事5：West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
幽默故事翻譯：
父親、哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學之間的 橄欖球 賽。開始之前，我們到處轉了轉，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學員。幾名遊客問新兵是否願意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。「好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點軍校來學習會得到什麼。」
一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學員，問她是否願意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：「我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什麼。」
英語幽默小故事6：Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it 『To my one and only love『. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
幽默故事翻譯：送給女友的禮物
在一家珠寶店裡，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。「要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?」珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會兒，然後說道：「不--在上面刻『給我唯一的愛』。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。」
英語幽默小故事7：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband『s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I『d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
幽默故事翻譯：慎重許願
一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。
妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯!」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」
仙女拾起了 魔術 棒。「呯!」，他變成了90歲。
英語幽默小故事8：Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
幽默故事翻譯：森林之火
一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：「丈夫們就像是森林裡的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。」
「那是不是意味著，」另一個問道，「他們將自己燒成灰燼?」
英語幽默小故事9：Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I『d pulled you out, they『d chuck me in."
幽默故事翻譯：最好的獎賞
一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。
「最好的辦法，長官，」這名水手說，「是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。」
英語幽默小故事10：Napoleon Was ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He『s a good boy," said Jack『s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I『m sure he『ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that『s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn『t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack『s father. "You see, I『m afraid we don『t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
幽默故事翻譯：拿破崙病了
傑克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，傑克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓傑克繼續來年的學業。
「他是個好孩子，」傑克的父親說：「您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。」
「不，不，那不可能，」教授馬上回答。「你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破崙什麼時候死的，他都不知道。」
「先生，請再給他一次機會吧。」傑克的父親說：「你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破崙病了都不知道。」
var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm..com/hm.js?"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();㈦ 關於搞笑的英語短文閱讀
隨著全球化經濟步伐的加快和跨文化交流的頻繁,專業英語能力成為了高等專門人才的必備能力素質。本文是關於搞笑的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!
關於搞笑的英語短文：誰最懶 Who Is the Laziest
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談頃敬雀過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶?
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道!想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課?
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
關於搞笑的英語短文：Things Have Been Okay.
A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.
Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."
"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taken this long."
"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."
中文：
一對年輕的夫婦對於他們四歲的兒子仍然不會說話這件事非常著急。他們帶他去看專家，但是醫生們找不出任何不正常的地方。
之後有一天早上，這個男孩突然說道：“媽媽，麵包拷糊了。”
“你說話了!你說話了!”他的媽媽嚷道。“我真高興!但是為什麼要我們等這么長的時間呢?”
“嗯，直到現在，”男孩說，“每件事都很正常啊。”
關於搞笑的英語短文：欺騙的代價 The Revenge
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
雀早Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"稿配
譯文：
老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對妻子說：“我死後，我想你嫁給農夫瓊斯。”
妻子說：“不，在你死後，我不能嫁給任何人。”
約翰遜：“但我希望你這么做。”
妻子：“為什麼?”
約翰遜：“因為瓊斯曾在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”